Do you ever just have the need to go out and drive and drive and just drive and TRY to clear all the voices and rambles in your head?  I do... but I don't have a car. Haven't in over 2.5 years.

Sometimes I wonder where my life is going..  am I really happy?  I mean I am.. but there's so much I hoped to have had by now.. and I wonder if it's my fault I don't have it or that it hasn't turned out how I want... or what.  I mean.. what do I do?  I work a fuckin regular ole retail store manager job.. takes 60 hours out of my week... at best 50, I'm a homebody, but even if I weren't, there's nothing to fucking do here, I have no car... I feel trapped.

I really don't think I like who I am...

But the saddest part... is that I don't know what to do to change it, and if I did.. i'm so fucking lazy I probably wouldn't anyway.


Whatever.

Why why why... *sighs*

She's gone... officially and sadly... Sara Sidle is no longer on CSI. :(

What a lump in the throat episode, eh?  Man... I swear I was holding my breath...

CSI just won't be the same...

I have one major complaint about the episode.. besides the fact that it was her last and she left...

NO SARA and CATHERINE interraction!  At all.  wtf??? :(

aiy...

All I can say is I hope Jorja is happy whatever she's out to do next!! And we'll miss her!

It is what it is I guess.  7 wonderful seasons and now Sara is leaving CSI. *cries*

Her final episode is set to air on Nov 15th. :(  Will be a sad sad night. 



I can only wonder how it will go...does she just leave Las Vegas?  Or does she simply leave the crime lab? I mean... argh... 

I will miss you, Jorja Fox! Hopefully we'll catch you somewhere else.

Thank goodness for Fan Fiction!

Decision must be made by Tuesday.

16K more a year... base pay.  Not including any bonus's that i'm nearly guaranteed to get.  10 more hours a week.  Lots more work, but I USED to do a lot more work 5-10 hours per week for less money...

Only issue I have is that I would be out of my "comfort zone"... funny I never used to have one of those... now I do.

But if I get out, get through 3 months, i'll be getting the hang of it, more steady on my feet, plus providing a LOT more for myself and my wife.  And hopefully get our family and our future started a little sooner!  House, Car, Children.  And her not working.  Those are ideal.

So basically I have to psych myself up, and not be discouraged if the going is rough at first....and considering it's nearing the holiday time of the year... i'm sure it will be.

I've got 3 days to contemplate....

It's Thursday.  CSI is on tonight! :D (I know, i'm pathetic)

So I'm at work, but obviously i'm not busy.  I came in, caught up my paperwork, did my ordering, and now here I am.

I've been contemplating accepting a position with another company I was offered.  I'm supposed to chat with one of the big guys tomorrow morning.  I'm not sure it's something I want, but rather something I feel maybe I should do in order to better support my wife and myself.  It's more money (not crazy much) but it would help out.  Problem is it's a TON more work (not that I'm afraid of more work) but it's at least 50 hours per week.  I know myself and my girl wouldn't like that.  We think we don't get enough time together the way it is...

I think i've made up my mind though.  I'm going to go, see what they have to say, and let them know i'm not accepting anything without talking it over with her first.  But even still, I think it will be a call to decline, and stay where I am.  It's not crazy money, but we're getting buy and not struggling or having to cut anything off or whatever. So I'd say that's still pretty damn good compared to how some have it.  So i'll stay here, where i'm comfortable, know my shit and only decide to change jobs if and when we can afford to move out of this god forsaken town.

So yeah, I've made up my mind.  I guess the only thing left is that part of me really doesn't want to go and even listen tomorrow.  But I guess I at least owe them that much, cause I could have declined it sooner and yet I didn't.

Yup.....

If I won 2 plane tickets to anywhere in the world, where would I go and who would I bring?

Switzerland, and my wife.  She's always dreamed of going there.  I'd try to get us a nice little cabin in the woods near a lift/lodge area during the winter.

So my wife tells me I have an obsession with Jorja Fox...

Well I could have told you that. *smirks*

I've loved her since I first saw her on CSI.  Even my girl can't deny Jorja is seriously hot.  Yes there's an age difference but who cares. :D I'm an adult, she's an adult, it'd be all good.  If I were single. lol but i'm not and don't want to be.  But we have agreed that if I'm gonna allow her to kiss Amy Lee, then I should be allowed to kiss Jorja. :D

So besides my Jorja Fox obsession (and not like, I would stalk her or something crazy) just... yeahhhh LOL  CSI everyday, reruns, she's my wallpaper on my desktop... and not to mention I'm TOTALLY digging the Catherine/Sara Femslash stories i've been reading.  SO addicting. It's all I do in my spare time :D Read....mmmm hehe

Yeah so...love Jorja Fox.  She's tall, beautiful, smart, funny has the SEXIEST voice and I love her laugh.  and that little half smile/smirk thing she does.  yeahhhh lol I'm brutal I know. :P

No bitterness to this post.  No siree...just...


Obsession

I don't think this is really going to be anything pertinant as to the inner me, or something I really need to "get off my chest" but at the same time... ha..there's that word, I can't help but get some of this out of my brain before it rattles loose something important.

Get all that?

Anyway, TIME.  A four letter word with too much meaning to be contained within the 'T' and the 'E'

What is it with the obsession with time?  That's all we hear and think about now days isn't it?  Either we don't have enough time, or there's too much of it, this takes time, that takes time, don't take too much time, maybe sometime... I mean really.

We say "we have all the time in the world."  well, not we.  People say that.  I don't.  Because I know if that comes out of my mouth just once in all seriousness, that's when I'll personally find out just how much time I don't have.  Or someone close to me for that matter.  I don't necessarily believe in being "jinxed" but at the same time, i'm not skeptical enough to test it out.

But then, if no one says that, then they say "we don't have that much time"  I mean.. seriously.  Which is it? Is it different on each scenario and each person?

You see it in the movies, a rush against time, or a lifetime together.  In songs, if only we had time, we had that time, there was a time, maybe sometime, time....

But then it's in your everyday life too.  You're either rushing to get to work to be "ON TIME" or you're early and think "oh I coulda had MORE time to do something else, or you're late because there wasn't "enough time"

blah, see this shit that just takes over my brain?

I think I could have been a smart child...person...and then the insanity took over. 

No, not insanity, the constant rambles like these that cloud me every single day.

blah.  what is blah? blah is the word when there just isn't a word to describe how you're feeling. it's what comes out when your brain can't relay all the shit that's headed to your mouth.

So what do you get?

Blah.

 

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